he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
