he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
