just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
