hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I faked an abortion last night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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