I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
