bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize