I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
