Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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