He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
