the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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