It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
