her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
