no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
