Someone shit on the floor
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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