i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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