I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize