I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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