omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
