also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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