Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
