cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
