I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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