Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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