i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
