just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
