No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
