omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
