My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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