Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
