Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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