Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize