yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
