I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
