Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
