Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
