Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
