Only a mothe r could love this liver
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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