i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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