So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize