I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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