she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
