I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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