and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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