You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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