C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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