I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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