did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We smell like vodka and hangover
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