The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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