I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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