Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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