You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize