So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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