me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
