Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
