with your own penis?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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