go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
