you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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