My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
