if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
