Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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