I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize