Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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