Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
