She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
