There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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