VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
