i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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