You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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