You can't motorboat a personality
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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