If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
