So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize