I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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