Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
