Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
