I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
