PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
