I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
