Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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