Someone shit on the floor
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
