If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize