"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
