If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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