I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize