K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
no. you can't hotbox the world.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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