i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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