Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
