it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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