We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
