my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
