She announced her abortion via fbk
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize