he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
