she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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