We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
