I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
