dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
