You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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