Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
