omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize