i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
