i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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