I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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