I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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