No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
