Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
