I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
birth control should be required to get into college
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Randomize
