I think my fart just growled at me.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
