We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
