dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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