I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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