I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I need water and some morals
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
