I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
