I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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