Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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